It is perfectly normal, often when children become teenagers, that they find themselves attracted to others and want to start a relationship with them.

Just because you are a young carer does not mean you cannot pursue a romantic relationship. You may have to face some extra challenges, such as fear of intimacy (because it means losing control) or commitment issues. Be aware of these dynamics, try to work on them and talk about it (whith the person you like or someone else who can help you).

If you do start a relationship, the other person will probably be impressed that you are a young carer. You don’t have to tell them everything about your caring role at first; you can wait until you both know each other better and then tell them slowly.

Unfortunately, during your relationships there will be times when you are upset, and you might experience heartbreak. There might be other times when you really like someone but they are not attracted to you. Those heart-breaking emotions always pass, however bad they might feel at the time. Relationships will make you both happy and sad, but overall they are very good and certainly worth the effort. Being with someone who cares about you will build your self-esteem and bring out the best in you.

It is perfectly normal to take risks and it is actually an important part of growing up and becoming an adult. Taking risks allows a child to explore their abilities, and having a good understanding of risk will help with future decisions as an adult.

Healthy risk-taking includes activities like sport, volunteer activities, travelling or entering competitions. These activities have the possibility of failure, but the consequences of losing are not serious.

Unhealthy risk-taking behaviour includes activities like playing truant from school, smoking, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, stealing and unprotected sex. These activities have potentially very serious consequences, which could affect an individual’s entire life.

As a young carer who is used to handling stress, you might feel able to cope with any risks and their consequences. Always remember, though, if things do go wrong, you might have to live with some serious consequences. If you are not happy with the possible consequences, don’t take the risk.

You might feel you have to do things because other people around you say so, which is known as peer pressure. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. If people like and respect you they will not force you to do something you don’t want to. If someone is trying to force you to do something, it is probably for their benefit and not yours.

Relationships with family members can be tough and being a young carer adds to that. You might not always get the attention you need or want from your family. Maybe you think you can’t raise your issues because they don’t seem as important as everything else that’s going on. Or, you may exaggerate an issue or problem to make it seem as important as the other issues your family is dealing with. Roles and boundaries can become blurry (if you care for your parents, you may feel you are acting as a parent and that the roles are reversed). You might find your relationship with your parents is different than your friends’ relationships with their parents. Your parents may treat you differently, expect you to take on more responsibilities. Maybe they expect you to always be there to help. This can bring up angry and resentful feelings and make it hard for you to plan for your own future. Don’t feel guilty about your feelings and don’t hide time. Instead, try to share your feelings with other people in your family. You could write down how you’re feeling and try to talk it through with your relative when you’re not feeling as emotional. Don’t forget to share with your relatives also the positive feelings you may experience as a result of caring.

Also, don’t take things personally: sometimes, when there is a lot of stress, frustration and sometimes anger in families, members can take things out on each other even if they don’t mean to. Realise that often people get into fights because they’re just not coping.

If the situation at home is particularly tense, try to contact social workers or family mediators. They can help you.

Good relationships are safe, healthy and positive. Look for and spend time with people who let you act your age, be yourself, and feel good. This could be a friend, teacher, camp counsellor, or family member. They will stick with you through good times and bad. They will understand how you feel and try to help you when things are tough. You need to identify these people and keep them close. It’s a good idea to tell these good friends about your role as a young carer.

You will probably have other friends who are there in good times, but don’t want to help during bad times. These are often referred to as ‘fair weather friends’, because they are only with you when life is going well. You cannot rely on these people. Their unwillingness to help when you are in real need means they are not true friends. You may want to keep them in your life, but do not place too much importance on the friendship.

When you are an adolescent young carer, you may need someone to support you/ to motivate you and your parents may not be able to do so.

Adults outside your family, like coaches, camp counsellors, teachers, neighbours or family friends could play this role: they can provide you with the attention, motivation, and praise you feel that you’re not getting at home.

Look up to them as role models and try very hard to please them, so they will be proud of you. When you are able to find people you can depend on, they can have a huge impact on your life.